Letters to Julia - We pulled it off!

Dear Julia,

What a little secret-keeper you are! We counted down the days and kept our visit to America a secret from Nana & Papa! You were so careful to not tell them we talked. What a big girl.

You were such a big girl on the flights, too. It showed me just how much you have grown up since we first came to America almost a year ago. 

Nana &  Papa are so happy to see you, little girl. Right now, you are sitting on Nana's lap, playing a sight words game on her iPad. Last night, well yesterday evening, you fell asleep in Papa's lap in the restaurant before the waiter even came to take our order! You were so comfortable in his arms that you didn't even want to go to Nana. I think you are as happy to see them as they are to see you.

This was a fun surprise, and we are going to have a fun two weeks in America! I love you, baby girl!

Love,
Mommy

Letters to Julia - Easter 2012

Dear Julia,

You have grown into such a beautiful little girl, no long a baby. I enjoyed watching you celebrate Easter this week. You are just like your Nana....you love celebrating any holiday! You had an absolute blast finding and re-hiding Easter eggs, over and over again. And thug the thrill of the Easter Bunny's visit was pretty exciting, you truly blessed my heart when I heard you tell the boys why we celebrate Easter. You said, "Easter is because God died on the cross and then He was not dead because Jesus is alive."

I love watching you grow, and love watching you learn about Jesus and tell others about Him. On Easter, we celebrate the life of Christ and the life we have in Christ. I pray for the day that you understand and know the power of the resurrection and the gift of eternal life in Christ! You are such a picture of God's grace and redemption already, and I know you will have such a special testimony of your faith one day. I can't wait to see the excitement that your face will radiate when you know Jesus as your Savior. Seeing the beginning stages of that blesses my heart!

I love you, Baby Girl!
~Mommy

Letters to Julia - my sweet helper girl

Dear Julia,

I am so proud of you, my little helper girl! You have been such a nice helper and big sister to the babies this week. All week long, you have had a great attitude and a heart of service. It has been fun to watch you and to hear good reports from the aunties of how helpful you were each day. 

Last night, we brought Blessing home to our house and you had so much fun with her, a perfect little mama. You played with her, helped feed her, read stories to her, helped change her diapers, and shared you old crib with her. Blessing, and all the babies, are blessed to have you as an example to follow. 

I love you, baby girl! Thank you for all your help this weekend! Next time we will bringWilliam home with us.

Love,

Mommy 

Letters to Julia - Forever is forever

Dear Julia,

“Forever.”  That has been our word for the week.I will be your mommy forever. You have needed a lot of reassuring this week. 

When we were at your “first family’s” home, you behaved very differently than you ever had before. You were extra clingy, not wanting to leave my lap or my side, and not wanting to greet the family members that came to see you. You usually love to play with the children, chase the chickens and pass out sweeties to everyone. I was beginning to think that you were not feeling well or were just overly tired. You did fall asleep within ten minutes after we got in the car to leave. But that wasn’t it.

Each time we have gone to visit your biological family, we talk about it. This time, you also heard me telling other people about our trip, saying things along the line of,”We are going to visit Julia’s biological family and ask them for the final permission for me to fully adopt .”  I simply do not give you credit for being as smart as you are. When we got home in the evening and were eating dinner at your little brown Julia-sized table, you asked me, “Mommy, will you keep me now?” 

Oh, baby girl! That broke my heart! Of course I will keep you!! Forever. And I am so sorry that you had any doubt in your little mind. Oh, the pressure you must have been holding in your little heart while we were with your “first family.”  I am so sorry, baby. 

I am also sorry that I did not do a better job of clarifying things for you.  I think that I was trying so hard to make things seems natural or casual that I had sometimes dropped the “first” part when referring to your biological family. I remember that morning that we left and the night before, talking about going to visit “your family.” I did not realize the question that that would put in your mind. When I put you to bed the night of our visit, I was telling you again and again that I will be with you forever; that I am your mommy forever. You said to me, “And I can keep Nana & Papa forever, too.” Yes, sweetie girl, we are your “forever family.” We are your family. 

Your biological family is special. They gave you to us. They are where you came from beforeGod brought you to me. But I will never leave you there alone, my precious baby girl! You never have to worry about that. Every time we go visit, you and I will leave ~ together. Though I am not sure of what your “first family’s” decision will be regarding their permission for full adoption,I am sure that God will take care of you and will never abandon you, and I trust Him to keep us together.

I love you, Julia! And I always will. Forever. Never, never doubt that. And I will do everything I can to reassure you of my love for you, and of God’s love for you. He brought us together for a reason, and He will fulfill His purposes. 

Love,

Mommy

Ju's biological family - the women, the ones who "don't count" in making family decisions, such as deciding Julia's future. Yet, they are the ones who know she and I and they would be the ones to take care of her. 

Julia's sho-sho (grandmother) was not around, no one knew where she was, but this is her biological great-grandmother, the only one of the family that Julia voluntarily greeted and seemed to be comfortable with. She even laughed at the way the sho-sho was talking. She was so funny as she talked to us a mile-a-minute in Kikyuy, as if we understood. Not a single tooth in her mouth! 

Julia finally began to warm up when we were leaving and she passed out pens to everyone from First Baptist Church of Midland. (Thanks FBC Midland Education Dept!)

And as soon as I told Julia to tell everyone "goodbye," she instantly got so happy, full of hugs and giggles - but still, only for Mommy. She was obviously relieved to be leaving with Mommy. I still feel so bad to know the pressure that this little girl must have been feeling! Please pray with me that God would grant me all wisdom and words as I raise this precious baby girl, that I would see what she needs in order to be assured of her world around her, of my love for her, of her forever family's love for her, of her Heavenly Father's love for her, and of her future.

Letters to Julia - God's plan is good

Dear Julia,

We have a big week coming up! We are going to go visit your birth family and ask your uncle to give the family’s permission for me to adopt you. This is a big step for everyone. Even still, I want you to know that regardless of what any legal piece of paper says, I am still your Mommy and forever will be.

We  still want that piece of paper, don’t we, baby girl?! Once I am legally your forever mom and we can get through the process of you becoming a US citizen, then we will be free to come and go wherever we want and we won’t have to ask permission from any government to do so! Oh, how that will make our life easier and less stressful. 

But you know what? We serve a big God and He is true to His word. He will not leave you abandoned. He will hold us and guide us through each step in our lives, including this one. He has done that so far and we can see the amazing things He has done, and won’t it be great to look back a few years from now and see all the awesome things He is going to do?

I love you, baby girl!

~Mommy

“Be strong and courageous. Do not fear or be in dread of them, for it is the Lord your God who goes with you. He will not leave you or forsake you.”  (Deuteronomy 31:6)

“'For I know the plans I have for you,’ declares the Lord, ‘plans to prosper you and not to harm you, plans to give you hope and a future.” (Jeremiah 29:11)

A brief update of where we are on the adoption front....

We put Julia’s adoption on hold while we were in America. She would have been unable to receive a visa if there was an adoption “in process,” so we paused the pursuit of that while we went for an extended stay in America. Now that we are back, we have resumed the adoption process. 

The main piece of the puzzle that we do not yet have is the family’s release for her to be adopted. They agreed to give me full guardianship, but adoption is a whole other ball game. In this culture, adoption is not widely received and is not understood. The perception, especially in their rural village home, is that if a child is given for adoption, there is money exchanged and the baby is “bought.” Therefore, the family would have money that they are expected to share. For the family to simply say that they were not paid, it would not be believed by the community. Therefore, they are put in a tight situation. The last time we discussed the issue, Julia’s uncle, the one who acts on behalf of the family, was unable to commit to officially releasing her for adoption. 

On Tuesday, we will be traveling to Julia’s birth family’s rural home to talk to her uncle. Before we can progress to any next steps in our adoption process, they must free her for adoption. They will have to go to Nairobi, meet with a social worker, and sign over their rights. By all cultural standards, this is highly unlikely. By God’s standards, it is one small step that He is in control of. 

Once the family signs over rights to free Julia for adoption, there are still many steps before we are able to breathe easily. I am not able to publicly share all the details of the process, but we covet your prayers and need them desperately. 

Please remember us on Tuesday. Pray that our miracle working God goes before us to prepare and warm the hearts of the family, that they would be open towards this anti-cultural decision and be willing to do what is best for Julia’s future, placing that in higher regards than the community perception. We serve a mighty God who is sovereign, fully provincial and has good plans for His children!

(And thanks to Kara at Kara Bryant Photography of the beautiful photos of me and my beautiful daughter!)

Letters to Julia - some prayers for you

Dear Julia,


I hope that you know how much I love you! I pray that my words are always uplifting, loving, and encouraging to you. In order for that to happen, I know that my heart must be full of the words of God, because "out of the overflow of the heart the mouth speaks." (Matthew 12:34)

These are some of the verses that I have been praying over you the past few weeks.
May you grow to know these truths and believe them in complete confidence....


"For you created my inmost being;
You knit me together in my mother's womb.
I praise You because I am fearfully and wonderfully made;
Your works are wonderful,
I know that full well."   (Psalm 139:13-14)


"You know with all your heart and soul that not one word has failed of all the good things that the Lord your God promised concerning you. All have come to pass for you; not one of them has failed." (Joshua 23:14)

I also pray every day that the Lord will give you a heart like His and begin to develop your character into the girl He has created you to be. I pray that you will have a heart to serve, to be kind, and generous, and that you would show compassion to others in all that you do.


"Put on then, as God's chosen one, holy and beloved, compassionate hearts, kindness, humility, meekness, and patience." (Colossians 3:12)


"They {you} are to do good, to be rich in good works, generous and ready to share." (I Timothy 6:18)


That you would be a "...servant of Christ, doing the will go God from the heart, rendering service with a good will, as to the Lord and not to man." (Ephesians 6:6-7) 

So, baby girl, those are some of the things I have been praying for you.  May you always know that God Himself created you. He created you for great things, and He has given you all you need to accomplish those great things. You will touch many lives, and the character of the godly woman you will become begins today! 


I love you, you beautiful, precious, girl!

Love, 

Mommy

Letters to Julia - Homeschool Girl

Dear Julia,


My little student. I have had lots of students in the past years, but I must say that you are my favorite! It's not exactly the same as your school in America, but you are still doing so good and learning so much. 

 It is quite a challenge for me to figure out how to give you the time you need for school. I don't know how long we will be able to do this, but I am loving the time we do have now. You are so smart, and you love to learn. And I love to teach you.

Since you don't get to go to school and take your rest mat and lunch kit with you, and we don't have a school bus, we did our own Kenyan version of pretend school this week! You got to ride to the baby house in a tuk-tuk with our friend while Mommy stayed home to do work. 

You are such a big girl! I can't imagine that one day you would be big enough to get on a real school bus and go to school by yourself. Good thing we have that agreement that you are going to stop growing and stay my little girl forever! 


I love you, baby girl! Can't wait to see all that you are going to learn this week...and the next, and the next, and the next....


Love,
Mommy

Letters to Julia - my three year old

Dear Julia,


This has a been a week to remind that you are a three year old. You are so smart, so bright, you speak so well and have such grown up conversations that I sometimes forget that you are only three years old. 

You are such a big girl! You are a helper, a teacher, and a problems solver. You love to help me cook. You love to help Eunice clean. You love to help the aunties take care of the babies. And you do these things really well! You sit like a little lady at nice restaurants with adults. You talk to Kenyan adults and explain things to them to help them understand. You are so smart. You know so much! You know the right things to do, and you do them.....well, most of the time. 


When we were in America, Nana was always reminding me to be careful with you. I would leave grown up things (like scissors and glue) out, right where you played. We would talk about how you are such a great kid, how you know what to do and what not to do, and how you make good choices and do the right thing. And you ARE a great kid! You DO make good choices. But Nana would always remind me, "She is a good girl, but she is three." 


Well, indeed, you are three. And sometimes you act like a three year old. And I am learning that I should not put undue pressure on your to act like a grown up, just because you are always around grown ups and act so much like a grown up. This was a tough week for us. You are teaching me a lot of things. You have challenged me and tested me. You have stretched me! You have surprised me. These little three year old behaviors are shining through! You surprised me this week in a way that proved Nana's words of warning to be true. You wrote with pen all over the side of the couch, from top to bottom in long, strait lines curving up and down, covering the entire side of the couch. You surprised me by some of the things you said to me and some of the attitude you showed me. 


Those are natural three year old behaviors. It does not mean they are good behaviors or ones I will allow you to continue, but they do remind me that you are three. And above all, it reminds me that I should be in constant prayer for you, for your little heart, asking God to show me how to be a good mommy, and asking God to be near you, whispering into your ear and showing you the right choice to make. It reminds me that my heart should be so full of God's Word that it flows out of my mouth and onto your ears. God's Word must be in my heart, on my mind, and on my lips so that I speak words of encouragement, life and hope to you, not words of frustration or anger. Yes, you need discipline and correction, but only out of love...the love that God puts in our hearts. THAT is what I am learning from you, and THAT is what I want to teach you. 


I pray every day ~ all day ~ for you. You are my precious treasure and I want to train you in ways that are glorifying to God. He has created you to be a strong, special, smart little girl, and I want to do the best job I can at facilitating and fostering that. 


I love you, baby girl, and I can't wait to see the amazing young lady that God is creating you to be!!


Love, 
Mommy

Letters to Julia - Happy where you are

Dear Julia,


I love learning lessons from you. And as you grow older you teach me more and more, especially as you are able to verbalize all that crazy stuff that goes on in your little head!

The whole time we were in America and I asked if you were ready to go back to Kenya, you always emphatically answered, "No. I want to stay in America." Now that we are back in Kenya and people ask you if you want to go back to America, you still answer, "No."


Earlier today we were talking about Nana & Papa's house and all of your fun things in your room at Nana & Papa's house. I said, "I miss Nana & Papa's house. That is a fun place, isn't it? Do you want to go back there and visit?" And you, in all of your three year old wisdom said, "Mom, but we are in Kenya now and not Nana's house. When it is time to go back, then we can want to go to America. Now we are going to play in Nakuru, Kenya in my room. Okay?"


Oh, baby girl. Yes, that is okay. We are going to play in your room in  Nakuru, Kenya and enjoy every minute of it! Thank you for reminding me to be happy where I am and not wish away the time I have in front of me. It is okay to want to visit America again, but it is most important to be happy in the place God has us right now. And I am happy to be here, mostly because I am with you (and the boys and the babies and the aunties) and God has great things for us here. 


I love you so much, baby girl! You are growing up to be such a great girl, and I love our conversations. I am so glad that you are mine. 


Love, 
Mommy

Letters to Julia - The Wonders of His Love

Dear Julia,


Oh, the wonder of the season! Your little face is lit brighter than the sun, and your excitement shines right through your eyes. Every little thing is like your own special gift and I love watching you.

My prayer for you is that you will always know the wonder of the season...but in more than the sparkle and lights. May you always know the true joy of Christmas, the gift we are given of our Lord Jesus Christ. I pray that you will experience the wonders of His love. In the midst of holiday excitement, may you delight in His wonder and the hope that will fill your heart every day of your life as you grow in His love.


Love,
Mommy

Dear Julia,


I was just thinking today, as I was flying back from Houston to see YOU, how far we have come this past year. Then, I thought that I would go back and look at my journal to see exactly where we were in our journey this time last year. I only had my last two journals with me, so I could not look that far back. Instead, I looked at just six months ago...May 20th. 

May 2011

I wrote in my journal that day about our struggle to get your passport, being so far from even getting an appointment to apply for your visa. We were really fighting hard to get that passport! We spend countless days in Nairobi, more than half the month. I wanted so badly for you to come to America! And look....we're HERE! Our God is GOOD! 


I even looked back at the blog and found what I wrote later that day after I had written in my journal that morning. In the blog post six months ago today, I was tired and frustrated with many things. The title of the post was Wresting for the Blessing and that is exactly what we were doing. Wrestling. And our faithful God brought us through that hard time of waiting, to bring us to this place, to America. And we see His blessings of that journey every day.....bedtime stories with Papa, laughs and stories with Nana, day trips with Aunt Kris & Uncle Barry, playing in a tent from Grandma & Pa, baby Will's first birthday party and a cookout with family. 


Sometimes that is exactly what we have to do. We may have to wrestle through hard times to get to the amazing blessing God has waiting for us on the other side, but oh, is it ever worth it! Haven't we had a wonderful time in America?! You have experienced and learned so many new things. I know that when we return to Kenya, you will have some very special memories that you can hold in your heart forever. 

November 2011

I am looking forward to getting back to Kenya and seeing what all the Lord has in store for us this next year....or even the next six months! We are two blessed girls....God is taking us on some great adventures in His will. I can't wait to share more with you....the hard, the easy, the tough, the fun. I know that He has great plans for us and He will never leave us or forsake us. Even this journey to America is proof of that!


I look forward to many more journeys and blessings with you, my little jewel! YOU are my blessing!


I love you,
Mommy

Letters to Julia - fun times in the dirt :-)

Dear Julia,

You are such a funny little girl! I have so much fun talking with you, listening to you (because you really don't need anyone talking with you for you to enjoy talking), and watching you play.

You are a typical kid. We could buy every great toy in the world and you would still enjoy the most basic things - like dirt. Yes, you love to play in the dirt. But just like when you were a baby, you still don't like for your hands to be dirty. Such a strange little combination. Of all the things we did when we went camping, playing in the dirt and digging for buried treasure was your favorite.

You always remind me to enjoy the simple things, to take pleasure in the most basic things God gives us.   I hope that is a skill you keep for all your life. I love watching and learning from you. I love you so much!

Oh, and you did a GREAT job this week! I love watching you share your heart and life with others. You prayed for the ladies' lunch at the Womens Missionary Union lunch, talked with the people on Monday, helped me speak at chapel at the kids' school, introduced "your boys" to all the people at the church we visited, answered questions for the RA & GA class, let all the teenage girls take pictures of you, and were a joy to the many other people you met this week. What a busy week you had....and then you got sick. :-( I pray that you are feeling much better today!

I love you, sweetie girl!
Love, Mommy