Letters to Julia - Forever is forever

Dear Julia,

“Forever.”  That has been our word for the week.I will be your mommy forever. You have needed a lot of reassuring this week. 

When we were at your “first family’s” home, you behaved very differently than you ever had before. You were extra clingy, not wanting to leave my lap or my side, and not wanting to greet the family members that came to see you. You usually love to play with the children, chase the chickens and pass out sweeties to everyone. I was beginning to think that you were not feeling well or were just overly tired. You did fall asleep within ten minutes after we got in the car to leave. But that wasn’t it.

Each time we have gone to visit your biological family, we talk about it. This time, you also heard me telling other people about our trip, saying things along the line of,”We are going to visit Julia’s biological family and ask them for the final permission for me to fully adopt .”  I simply do not give you credit for being as smart as you are. When we got home in the evening and were eating dinner at your little brown Julia-sized table, you asked me, “Mommy, will you keep me now?” 

Oh, baby girl! That broke my heart! Of course I will keep you!! Forever. And I am so sorry that you had any doubt in your little mind. Oh, the pressure you must have been holding in your little heart while we were with your “first family.”  I am so sorry, baby. 

I am also sorry that I did not do a better job of clarifying things for you.  I think that I was trying so hard to make things seems natural or casual that I had sometimes dropped the “first” part when referring to your biological family. I remember that morning that we left and the night before, talking about going to visit “your family.” I did not realize the question that that would put in your mind. When I put you to bed the night of our visit, I was telling you again and again that I will be with you forever; that I am your mommy forever. You said to me, “And I can keep Nana & Papa forever, too.” Yes, sweetie girl, we are your “forever family.” We are your family. 

Your biological family is special. They gave you to us. They are where you came from beforeGod brought you to me. But I will never leave you there alone, my precious baby girl! You never have to worry about that. Every time we go visit, you and I will leave ~ together. Though I am not sure of what your “first family’s” decision will be regarding their permission for full adoption,I am sure that God will take care of you and will never abandon you, and I trust Him to keep us together.

I love you, Julia! And I always will. Forever. Never, never doubt that. And I will do everything I can to reassure you of my love for you, and of God’s love for you. He brought us together for a reason, and He will fulfill His purposes. 

Love,

Mommy

Ju's biological family - the women, the ones who "don't count" in making family decisions, such as deciding Julia's future. Yet, they are the ones who know she and I and they would be the ones to take care of her. 

Julia's sho-sho (grandmother) was not around, no one knew where she was, but this is her biological great-grandmother, the only one of the family that Julia voluntarily greeted and seemed to be comfortable with. She even laughed at the way the sho-sho was talking. She was so funny as she talked to us a mile-a-minute in Kikyuy, as if we understood. Not a single tooth in her mouth! 

Julia finally began to warm up when we were leaving and she passed out pens to everyone from First Baptist Church of Midland. (Thanks FBC Midland Education Dept!)

And as soon as I told Julia to tell everyone "goodbye," she instantly got so happy, full of hugs and giggles - but still, only for Mommy. She was obviously relieved to be leaving with Mommy. I still feel so bad to know the pressure that this little girl must have been feeling! Please pray with me that God would grant me all wisdom and words as I raise this precious baby girl, that I would see what she needs in order to be assured of her world around her, of my love for her, of her forever family's love for her, of her Heavenly Father's love for her, and of her future.